Healing the Abandonment Wound Through Writing

At The Art of Writing, I often see how storytelling becomes a bridge. Not only between writer and reader, but also between who we show the world and who we keep hidden. A few weeks ago, I shared an Instagram post about writing from the abandonment wound. I’d like to dig a little deeper. 

Writing as Repair

When you write your story, each scene and character, helps reclaim your voice, your perception, so therefore your worth.

Writing the Inner Child

One powerful exercise is to write a letter from your adult self to your younger self, the one who first felt alone or unseen. Tell her she’s safe now, that you’re listening. This kind of compassionate writing helps bridge the past with the present and anchors you in a gentle place.

Abandonment wounds often make us fear being “too much.” You know what I mean. Stuff we as writers have been told all our lives. We are too emotional, too intense, too sensitive. But in story, that intensity is gold. Go hard, I say! It’s what makes our characters fantastic!

From Pain to Purpose

The beautiful paradox is that writers who have felt abandoned often write with great empathy. 

If you’ve ever felt that fear of not being enough, I suggest you rest on the page. Another Art of Writing mantra (which I nicked from Julia Cameron – The Artist’s Way). 

Rest on the page.

If you’d like to read more by me (Lisa Clifford), you can buy the e-book of The Promise here

Or Death in the Mountains here.

2 places remain for our special, Dialogue That Does More Than Talk, on Tuesday, 11 November 2025. We’ll look at how to make dialogue reveal tension, deepen emotion, and move your story forward. Seriously, there are only a couple of places left. The Early Bird savings offer finishes on October 28.

🗓️ Details:

• Date: Tuesday, 11 November 2025
• Time: Sydney 7:00 PM (AEDT) | London 8:00 AM (GMT) | Central Europe 9:00 AM (CET)
• Location: Live on Zoom (link provided after booking)
• Cost: $120 AUD / €67.14
• Early Bird: $99 AUD / €55.34 (book two weeks in advance)
• Bonus: Downloadable checklist — “10 Dialogue Traps to Avoid” (sent 24 hours before the session)

So, why do you write?

Celebrating Your Words: The Art of Writing Showcase

There’s a real thrill in reading the work of our writers! Your words, your reflections, your stories. Every week, our inbox has pieces that make us smile, or rethink something we thought we already knew. It’s a privilege to share these thoughts with our Art of Writing community.

Publishing your writing online is empowering. Each piece you share becomes part of your professional footprint, helping readers, agents, and publishers discover you. Google starts working for you. Your words become searchable, shareable, and part of the living record of your creative journey.

Don’t forget: There’s no editing along the way, so make sure it represents the standard you want associated with your name. Each piece you share is not just writing on a page but a reflection of your voice and professionalism. And that’s worth presenting with care.

Guest blog by David Picken – The Art of Writing family member

Why do you write? For some the answer will be simple: ‘I write because I enjoy the process of setting down in writing my feelings, my experiences. I find it fulfilling, calming.’ There will be a range of feelings – some even visceral. Who do you write for? Just for yourself or, maybe, just to share with family and friends? Some people will have aspirations to be published. In this blog I’m addressing those folks who want their work to be published. You will know of self-publishing – this can be totally self-published; doing everything yourself. An alternative is to use online platforms like Kindle Direct Publishing (through Amazon). Some will hope to have their work recognised by a publishing house – submitting a proposal to a publishing company and have them send you that glorious letter – ‘We love your idea. We would like to publish your book. Please sign the enclosed contract!’ Wonderful feeling – but I’ll tell you a better one – at least I think so. That first time you see your book on the shelf in a High Street bookshop – that is really something. Job done – time to relax now! I’m here to tell you the opposite is true.

I have been lucky. I have had two books published – proper, like, by a publishing house. Even so I always anticipated that promoting books would fall, to a fairly large extent, to me. My publisher made that clear – I was quite happy with it – it is a small, relatively new outfit; they cannot carry separately dedicated staff to do marketing. You may be surprised (maybe not, I cannot be sure) to know that a lot of ‘first time published’ authors think signing off on the last edited and proofed manuscript is it. The cue that it’s time to put your feet up. However, as I’ve already said, it’s not – allow me to enlighten you.

I think my latest book is pretty good.(1) If you don’t like football just suspend that thought for a moment – enjoy the following, in general, so to speak. Maybe you know someone who does follow the game. Tell them about my book, they will love it. What I did was ask the famous and not so famous to write about why they follow their favourite team. I edited and intro’d each piece with a mini bio of the contributor. Why do I think it’s pretty good – well the writing is OK ish but among my contributors were, for example, the Oscar winning lyricist Sir Tim Rice (e.g. Jesus Christ Superstar, The Lion King et al) and the Golden Globe winning actor Sir Tom Courtenay. My star was the late Pope Francis – yes, with the help of the Apostolic Nuncio in Canberra he answered my letter of invitation. Surely that and my other famous folks would be a great selling point. I have to tell you that despite my best efforts sales have not been as good as I would like. Allow me to note here that my efforts are not spurred by any financial gain on my part. With this book I donate all the royalties to Unicef and doing as well as I can with that was the key impetus behind my efforts.

Why am I telling you all this? When I was working on the book I got to know a fairly well known author – the guy’s name is Tim Parks. Some of you may know of him and his work. He has written and had published many, many books. He is recognised

internationally and is a multi award winning author. (2) Among his latest books is Mr Geography – a beauty and for anyone who is in love with Italy try Italian Neighbours and An Italian Education. He’s even written books about football!

Recently I was in touch with Tim – I wrote to him asking whether he had any advice on promoting one’s books. I fully expected a reply which went, ‘I can’t really offer much in the way of advice David – the publisher handles all that stuff.’ What follows is what I want to share with you and what dispels the ‘time to put your feet up’ notion.

I explained to Tim as I have to you above – ‘… small publisher, no specialised marketing staff …’; ‘… just trying to do my best with it …’

This was his reply:

“Hi David, Every publisher these days expects the author to do most of the work. Unless you're a huge name. I know mine does. Promoting a book is infinitely more difficult than writing one and I have never been good at it and never been interested in the process, which has always seemed to me wearisome.

You must just put into it the energy you have, to the degree that makes sense to you, doing all the obvious things, above all trying to put the book in the hands of someone, who, if they took a shine to it, would be able to have some influence.

That's really the sum of my wisdom.

Best of luck!

Tim”

I would have thought Tim was ‘huge’ enough – but clearly not.

Just to tidy this off – Tim and I had a bit of banter about our respective football teams (him Hellas Verona and me the non-eponymous Port Vale in England). Referring to the potential for future success I closed with, ‘Hope springs eternal.’ Tim replied:

“Exactly. I think of every book I write as a lottery ticket.”

Now that did surprise me. I guess we could suggest, ‘Oh, he would say that - he’s just being modest,’ but I reckon there’s a fair grain of truth in it.

1. Football Fans in their own write from Fair Play Publishing, most bookshops and online.

2. https://timparks.com