What a Reality TV Show Taught Me About Storytelling

Last week I was flown to a secret location to teach manners and etiquette to twelve contestants on a reality television show that will air later this year.

I can't tell you which one. I signed a Non-Disclosure Agreement, and I intend to honour it. Let's just say it is one of the biggest international production houses in the world, with its own major streaming platform.

It was also one of the most challenging teaching experiences I've ever had.

Not because I don't know my subject. Goodness knows, I grew up with manners and etiquette. My mother, June Dally-Watkins, was Australia's Doyenne of Etiquette, or Queen of Manners (the title that she preferred). At our dinner table there were rules: where your napkin sat, how to hold your cutlery and perhaps most importantly, how to make other people feel comfortable.

I thought I understood etiquette. Then I walked onto a reality TV set. 

The contestants were young, funny, loud, vulnerable, unpredictable and gloriously aware that the bigger the reaction, the more likely the cameras would find them. There were moments of, 'This is MY table and you'll do what I SAY!' and enough interruptions, burping and eye-rolling to make my mother reach for the smelling salts.

I abandoned my lesson plan more times than I can count. Totally went off script a lot. 

Then the questions took an unexpected turn. One young man put up his hand and asked, 'What do I do if a girl is wearing something that reveals her breasts? Where am I supposed to look? And what if she thinks I'm staring and gets angry at me?' Suddenly we weren't talking about knives and forks at all. We were talking about respect, awkwardness, attraction, consent and the minefield of modern social interaction. The conversation became honest, funny and surprisingly thoughtful. It struck me that this generation isn't rejecting manners—they're desperately trying to navigate a world where the old rules have disappeared and the new ones are still being written.

The greatest surprise for me, though, was discovering how much my work with The Art of Writing prepared me for the experience.

I work with writers from all over the world, all the time. They arrive carrying stories, doubts and vulnerability. My role is not to dominate the room but to create one where everyone feels heard. I have to know when to step in and when to step back. When to encourage. When to challenge. 

Isn't that etiquette too? Storytelling teaches empathy. To write well you must imagine life through someone else's eyes. You learn to wait before judging, to observe rather than interrupt, to listen for what isn't being said and to understand motivation before reacting.

Good writing demands curiosity rather than certainty. Good manners do exactly the same.

Every generation says the next one has forgotten its manners.

I'm not so sure. I think they simply need someone prepared to slow the conversation down long enough to remind them that confidence and kindness can happily sit at the same table.

The older I get, the more I realise that storytelling and good manners can have the same purpose: to leave the world understanding another human being a little better than we did before.

The Art of Writing Sydney Storytelling Workshop at Woollahra Library, Double Bay, will run from August 21–23 and is now taking bookings. Many writers will arrive with nothing more than an idea, a few notes, or the feeling that there is a story they want to tell. Others will have completed manuscripts. There are no writing levels at The Art of Writing. What unites everyone is a love of stories and a desire to tell them better. 

I’m telling you this now because places are filling up. And I’d hate for you to miss out. 

Over the three days we will work through the fundamentals of storytelling, creating people and understanding their conflict, memoir, sense of place, theme and plot, dialogue that does more than simply deliver information, and the delicate balancing act of backstory. Drop me a line if you’d like the full 3-day program. 

There will be eight different lecturers/writers/speakers teaching across the weekend. Ashley Kalagian-Blunt, Petronella McGovern and structural editor Laurel Cohn (the backstory queen), as well as an author panel featuring Adam Courtenay (memoir, autobiography and biography), Meg Kenneally (editing) and Larry Writer (niche writing).

On the final afternoon, Benython Oldfield from Zeitgeist Literary Agency joins us for a Q and A about publishing, submissions, and what agents are currently looking for. Writers can optionally submit a paragraph describing their story beforehand if they feel ready, though many participants simply listen and absorb the Zeitgeist Literary Agency discussion.

Many people arrive at The Art of Writing thinking they're coming to learn structure, dialogue or plot. They do. But they also leave with a deeper understanding of people. And after spending last week on a reality TV set, I'm more convinced than ever that good storytelling and good manners are really the same thing. Both ask us to look beyond ourselves and imagine what it feels like to be someone else.